Acting in the correct manner is hard, and the surest way to elevate both ourselves and the world. On the spot, it may come at a cost - self-sacrifice, ridicule, rejection... Ultimately it is the foundation of -and the condition for- self-respect.
Exemplarity is not so much about being exemplary - ie. abiding by the dominant standards more consistently than others - but rather about setting an example - having the courage to step up, speak up, do the right thing even when it's hard. After all, when it is hard is also when it really matters.
The attitude requires courage and leadership, in particular where accountability and exposure are uneven. It rests on self-acceptance, as the ability to not shame ourselves into inaction.
Through the practice, we give life to our held belief system, we put it into action. Exemplarity is a seeking; of the just way to act, of the shape of integrity, of sensible balance.
It deepens our sense of respect and equality.
In the uncomfortable quest for right action, we’re left alone with the final say.
We are the one birthing the deed, and our choice lies on how much integrity we invest.
If we can bear to stand out for what feels right, we expose ourselves and hopefully, get to feel more real for it.
As we go through life, we are more often than not unclear about what is right, because so much is undefined or yet to unfold, nothing is absolute or clear cut.
Owning the uncertainty and the doubt means we know it is unclear, which is one step ahead of not knowing.
We strive to do what we can, no more no less - to do our best with what we know, and we are willing to course-correct where it feels appropriate.
The correct conduct is not about pleasing someone or ticking boxes, it is about acting in line with our values and with dignity.
It takes bravery and awareness, it takes embracing our differences in view point, circumstances and goals, being willing to listen to our own voice and walk our own path in spite of, or regardless of what anyone has to say about it.
It can be a lonely endeavour.
With the best intentions and the most perfect absolutes, we may forget to consider what we can actually do, who we really are, and go out on a limb, overstating our abilities and reach.
It doesn't mean we shouldn't try, or that we can do nothing, or that the mistake is final.
It does mean great conduct, like everything else, is a matter of trial and error, and learning to work with our limitations is part of the deal.
Even if others could read our mind, they wouldn’t have a reason to go with our plan until we convince them to.
When our ideas happen to ruffle feathers, shake a delusion or two, or put some people to work, we can be sure they won’t be unconditionally adopted, welcomingly respected and wilfully supported.
Standing up for something means taking a risk or two, saying what we mean out loud and in no uncertain terms, and arguing firmly enough to get our point across.
Acting out of our script is restful, it frees us from the exhaustion of having to decide, reconsider, strive for something.
It also keeps us stuck, oblivious to what we really can do, what is available to us, or from us for the world.
While we may grapple with the defiance underlying the demonstration of it all, we keep ourselves small. Defiance doesn’t have to be destructive, the need to not settle is also where creativity comes from.
The destination is nothing but where our own steps took us.
Our steps got us to where we are, whether or not we got far or to the right place.
Since we are trying to do good, we may find we could have gone further, we notice that here is not right, we take note of where else. The attitude helps so far as to show us the next patch of road.
But we need to honour the steps we’ve taken so far, take note of what we learnt, notice how we’ve toned and grown street-smart with all the walking.
The real sense of fulfilment lays in the acknowledgement of progress.
Treading
Conduct
Respectful conduct
Stepping