We are not alone, we are many.
Alliance is about finding -or choosing- our kind. Those with whom we can align interests, come to an agreement, develop a mutually rewarding relationship, are allies, partners.
Union with our kind creates a platform for our endeavours, it makes it safer and more effective to undertake anything at all. There is not much we can do on our own, not even finding a direction towards which to walk.
Allies help us shape our path, map where unsafe and challenging areas are, choose a north. Seeking union involves finding commonality, have something to offer, acknowledging needs that are better met in this union than without it.
We are born a blank slate and have to learn how to be in the world. Soon enough we learn we can’t do much alone, and need to rally.
The partnering opens possibilities, opportunities to do, to dream, to grow. And through this collaboration, we find self-acceptance, a sense of worth.
Our fearful minds view giving as depleting ourselves, when we give we have less.
The laws of nature however, count on each of us to receive and give to keep life flowing. Giving means living room for something to come in. And life is expansive; the more flows through, the broader our capacity.
Genuine faith that "being of service to others only perpetuates the flow that fuels us" keeps our cup overflowing; we have what we need and more to give away.
We don't have to figure everything out on our own.
As much as exposure of our insides to others makes us vulnerable, it gives us a unique opportunity to test our mettle, see our differences and similarities, identify our playmates, realise who cares.
Then we are on a fast track to growth and self-discovery, the fruits of our experience ripen faster and our story makes sense sooner.
Relationships cannot be a one way endeavour, by definition. One’s action triggers a reaction, whether it be fleeing, fighting, freezing, or hopefully, coming to the party and offering something in return.
A relationship holds a contract, whether it is explicit or not, transactional or not, agreeable or not - Each relationship has an expected way it should work, and a role the parties play in it.
When one of those involved do not meet the requirements, we are bound to ask whether they are offering something at all or if we are playing a losing game.
Partnership is not a gift we receive, it is an engagement in consensual mutual reliance.
We need something from the other and are willing to offer something they need in exchange for that.
Paradoxically, grudge partnership can be healthier because the negotiation is explicit and a pre-condition to the agreement.
Meanwhile with all the politeness and openness we have for love or friendship, the blurriness of needs and wants can come across uncaring, unrelenting, or simply unfulfillable.
We can't be self-reliantly defensive and then claim we want a partner.
For the relationship to be meaningful, each must have space to operate in, the opportunity to choose to join, a sense that there is mutual gain and mutual trust in the association.
In embracing our vulnerabilities, risking loss, feeling the void, we invite the other in.
Coming together serves a purpose, may it be company, safety, or achievement.
Without some form of agreement, however unspoken, as to what the point of the alliance is, the bond will dissolve, potentially through turmoil, bickering and a sense of betrayal.
In forming and nurturing relationships, keeping track of the page we’re on, and what makes us follow each other in the partnership is key to a successful alliance.
Seeking Union
Holding together (union)
Belonging